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i can't let the year end without posting. i would like to thank you guys sooooo very much. it's been a i won't say hard, but definitely trying year. And blogging, and you all's feedback and friendship have been important and helpful to me. with that, i would like to inform you all that MY sassy ass, THEE sassy ass, YOUR sassy ass has gotten a job. The job i spoke about in my last post actually, it all worked out in the end. With a really great organization. I will divulge some information later (maybe), and the blog will be changing addresses lol. But i'm really excited, I started this Tuesday, Ahmir started daycare yesterday, and 2006 will begin with me being in an absolutely wonderful place personally, and I thank God, his mercy is endless.
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Great is Your mercy towards me
Your loving kindness towards me
Your tender mercies I see
Day after day
Forever faithful towards me
Always providing for me
Great is Your mercy towards me
Great is Your grace
Great is Your mercy towards me
Your loving kindness towards me
Your tender mercies I see
Day after day
Forever faithful towards me
Always providing for me
Great is Your mercy towards me
Great is Your grace
from my mouth to God's ears
i know it's been a long time because i couln't remember my username when i was signing on. soo much going on....mostly in my mind. like most cancers i've retreated to my shell where there is stillness and peace.
i'm going to have to get a book on feng shui because my space affects me clearly. i cannot get organized, i don't have enough space, i'm feeling stifled, i can't breathe. that's how i always feel in this house, and that's why i moved out in the 1st place. i was really hoping to be able to get a car and move right after the new year..thats what was keeping me going. but i found out i didn't get a job i was going for that would have allowed all of that. i think the others in my life are more disappointed about the job than i am. i needed the check, and the organization was definitely a good look, otherwise i'm not pressed.
so we're back to the drawing board..once again. i know what is meant for me, i will have.
so really i'm just praying for some peace of mind, and patience. and i am just going to try my best to prepare myself for whats in store for me. hopefully that will include, some loving, some keys (both apt and car) and some $$$ : )
as i knew it would, my relationship with the BD is swishing around in my brain and confusing things. love is an incredible thing, i swear. it's cool right now because the swishing is only causing gentle waves that don't require too much attention or thought because the waves are familiar and non-threatening. they even make me smile sometimes. that's dangerous lol i'm still thinking with my head though, not my <3 on another note...my previous post was not about him, it was about my mother. i had to clear that one up, the IMs and emails were getting crazy.."girl, you don't need him!".."he is not yo' foundation!" lol good looking out though, i'm just not that far gone. and hope to never be.
i'm beginning to plan the baby's 1st birthday party...the way time has flown by this year i know it will be here any day now. although he will only be 1, his party most likely will be at chuck e. cheese's because the kids that will be there to celebrate are all 4 and up. so to celebrate my child's life i'm gonna pay for everyone else's to have a good time lol.
i'm still trying to decide how to handle Christmas for him. Of course he will get things, but do I go all out for a holiday he knows and cares nothing about? I swear everthing at this point is for picture purposes. maybe i'll just get him a whole bunch of wrapping paper to play with, cause thats what it's gonna boil down to anyway. lol
aside from all this i am in desperate need of a fix if you know what i mean ; ) and so what that may be t.m.i. but it's my blog damnit, i say what i want!
i'm going to have to get a book on feng shui because my space affects me clearly. i cannot get organized, i don't have enough space, i'm feeling stifled, i can't breathe. that's how i always feel in this house, and that's why i moved out in the 1st place. i was really hoping to be able to get a car and move right after the new year..thats what was keeping me going. but i found out i didn't get a job i was going for that would have allowed all of that. i think the others in my life are more disappointed about the job than i am. i needed the check, and the organization was definitely a good look, otherwise i'm not pressed.
so we're back to the drawing board..once again. i know what is meant for me, i will have.
so really i'm just praying for some peace of mind, and patience. and i am just going to try my best to prepare myself for whats in store for me. hopefully that will include, some loving, some keys (both apt and car) and some $$$ : )
as i knew it would, my relationship with the BD is swishing around in my brain and confusing things. love is an incredible thing, i swear. it's cool right now because the swishing is only causing gentle waves that don't require too much attention or thought because the waves are familiar and non-threatening. they even make me smile sometimes. that's dangerous lol i'm still thinking with my head though, not my <3 on another note...my previous post was not about him, it was about my mother. i had to clear that one up, the IMs and emails were getting crazy.."girl, you don't need him!".."he is not yo' foundation!" lol good looking out though, i'm just not that far gone. and hope to never be.
i'm beginning to plan the baby's 1st birthday party...the way time has flown by this year i know it will be here any day now. although he will only be 1, his party most likely will be at chuck e. cheese's because the kids that will be there to celebrate are all 4 and up. so to celebrate my child's life i'm gonna pay for everyone else's to have a good time lol.
i'm still trying to decide how to handle Christmas for him. Of course he will get things, but do I go all out for a holiday he knows and cares nothing about? I swear everthing at this point is for picture purposes. maybe i'll just get him a whole bunch of wrapping paper to play with, cause thats what it's gonna boil down to anyway. lol
aside from all this i am in desperate need of a fix if you know what i mean ; ) and so what that may be t.m.i. but it's my blog damnit, i say what i want!
there's a reason...
Well, fools fall in love in a hurry
Fools give their hearts much to soon
Just pay them two bars of stardust
Just hang out one silly moon
They've got their love torches burning
When they should be playing it cool
I used to laugh but now I understand
Shake the hand of a brand new fool
why i am the way that i am. there's a reason why my will is weak. Badu says you can't win when you're will is weak, so i guess that makes me a loser for the time being. i spend a lot of time trying to lift people up, and keep them encouraged, not only because i love and/or believe in these people, or it's the right thing to do; but because i'm a firm believer in do unto others as you would have them do unto you, so i could only hope that in return i could get some of this love and encouragement back. but no matter who i give it to, and who gives it or doesnt give it back to me. it's not enough because i never got it and am not getting it from where i need it. my son's father is the same way. though we are very different, that is one level we definitely connected on. and i must say that it can be extremely detrimental to one's heart dealing with a male who has issues with his mother. it can be extremely detrimental dealing with anyone who has issues with their mother (or either parent for that matter). these are the first people we learn to interact with, these are the people who we learn from, from which our own foundations are laid. i don't think i've ever felt this misunderstood and out there alone everbefore in life. and it's not even because of any current events, but because today i pieced some things together as to why i act the way i act, why i feel the way i feel, why i say the things i say, why i'm constantly in search of a better me because this 'me' isn't cutting it. it's because my foundation is solidified. you can't build a castle on sand.
Well, fools fall in love just like schoolgirls
Blinded by rose colored dreams
They build their castles on wishes
With only rainbows for beams
I used to laugh
but now I understand
Shake the hand of a brand new fool
~The Drifters, Fools Fall in Love
the song has nothing to do with the post, it's just kind of how i'm feeling right now. ever see the episode of ally mcbeal when Jennifer Holiday sang this song?? killed it wouldn't even do her justice...her voice is sick. i couldn't get this song out of my head after hearing her sing it, and i never want to hear the original because i read that it is fast and she sang it with a slow aching, or maybe that was my own heart. but either way, that shit was incredible! i have it on a vhs tape some place, i may have to go dig thru some boxes.
not your f%cking milk maid!
ok i've mentioned before that when it comes to the northern hemisphere of my body i am pretty well endowed. titties, tatas, breasteses, the twins, the girls, whatever the hell you want to call them...fine. i do not appreciate men making lude comments and or suggestions about my chest, and i do not appreciate them asking me what size bra i wear. it's inappropriate and none of your damn business! but one thing that has really caused me to have to set some people straight and let them know his shit is not tolerated is the GOT MILK? comment these asses have started making since i got pregnant and had a child. i've also gotten, do/did you breastfeed? dude, it was not your sperm that helped to create this child, whether i breastfed/feed is none of your damn business! i just don't think anything about that shit is funny. there are things that i can be mad about but still see the humorous side, this is not one of them. i can't even delve deep into the issue as to why it pisses me off and offends me so much, but it does. and people just don't understand why. the first dude who said this to me, i gave him the benefit of the doubt. he's a cool dude, but is too damn old to play so damn much the way he does, but whatever. i simply told him i find that question/statement offensive, and asked him not to say it to me. he could hear the heat in my voice and he apologized, then a couple of days ago he asked me that shit as a "joke". i repeat, i don't think it's funny, and NO I CAN'T TAKE A FUCKING JOKE. and the next ass that says this dumb shit better say it online or over the phone, somewhere he is not within arms reach, because if he is, he will be asking me GOT ICE for his black ass eye and swole lip! I'm done.
100+ things about thee sassy ass
*singing*
if all the rain drops were lemondrops and gumdrops
oh what a rain it would be
standing outside with our mouths open wide
ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah
ok, on to the show...
warning: there has definitely been no editing of this post.. if it's spelled incorrectly or if ist gramatically incorrect, it's all me, all sass, all the time....like lauryn hill said, if my voice cracks, its just part of the song :end warning
1. I am an emotional eater
2. I am very emotional
3. I am overweight
4. I am MALCOM X!! lmao
4. I am silly
5. I’ve been trying what seems like my whole life to lose weight
6. My grandmother says I’m not fat or chubby, I’m pleasingly plump
7. I’m sassy
8. but I’m also soft
9. I am overwhelmed by my love for my son
10. I’ve always wanted to be a mother
11. a year before my son was born I was walking around saying “I’m gonna have a baby next year.” That was before I even started dealing with his father in that capacity.
12. I got pregnant very early in our relationship.
13. I hate black socks > unless they are hidden under some slacks and slid in some dress shoes. Otherwise they should be banned.
14. I like to be by myself most of the time
15. when at home, I change my underwear everytime I use the bathroom
16. I do not use public restrooms
17. i like sex but have control issues even in the bedroom which keeps me from achieving thee ULTIMATE goal lol
18. I also have a slight fear of the penis..well not the penis itself but touching it..maybe it’s not fear, more like anxiety. I don’t know…
19. I’ve had someone force themselves on me
20. part of me wants to forgive my son’s father, but part of me knows I would be a fool to do so….
21. part of me thinks I have already
22. I guess that makes me partially a fool
23. I’m in love with 4 little girls, and they’re all characters in my children’s book.
24. I don’t trust myself enough..even though I’m usually right and extremely resourceful
25. my Super Man died my 1st night in the dorms my freshman year of college
26. I’m sad my son will never get to know him
27. i like the statement clothes and accessories can make about one’s self
28. I have very few regrets and I’m proud of that. But one main one haunts me
29. I express myself better in a written form than I do verbally..especially when it comes to emotions..
30. I plan on doing all the things that I’ve always wanted to do, even if it means going off the “path” of my ultimate goal
31. I plan on becoming a some sort of teacher at 40 until I retire maybe at 55
32. my mom is the most selfish person I know..it’s ironic because she can also be very generous. She just didn’t give me some of the things I needed
33. I love her dearly though
34. I got laid off twice within a year
35. needless to say I’m not always anxious about going back to work
36. I love to buy underwear and socks
37. my chubby ass wanted to be an underwear model when I was younger…not in Victoria Secret’s or Frederick’s or something..i wanted to be in the K-Mart circular lol talk about high aspirations lol
38. I hide behind my hair
39. I hide behind most things I wear
40. I curse a lot
41. I’m having conflicted thoughts about having my son Christened because my church is acting shady about doing it…. Well not the whole church but the pastor who is my “aunt”
42. Although in marriage, I do not believe I was conceived in love
43. I sometimes think that’s why my life goes the way it goes sometimes..does that sound silly?
44. I also believe that because my name essentially means nothing…is the reason why I have no focus
45. I watch too much Girlfriends lol
46. I hate the fact that a white girl could wear something black girls wear or have been wearing and be en vogue while the black girl is just hood or ghetto or “urban” i.e. name plate chains and earrings
47. I love music…it keeps me sane
48. really wish I could write some
49. maybe one day I will
50. I can sing…well I used to be able to sing
51. If my mother believed in me maybe I could have been Beyonce lol
52. I give of myself too freely
53. teaching myself to say “no”
54. I believe I have a shopping addiction..i’m also an emotional shopper. I combine that with eating.
55. I have very little will power
56. I want to be better
57. I refuse to go on birth control..i’m afraid..especially the patch.
58.I’m heartbroken I was heartbroken
59. wish I could tell a nigga to “kick rocks bitch” lmao
60. I am afraid of guns
61. but when I shoot, I shoot to kill (verbally)
62. I hate to see most people in pain, some, I feel deserve it
63. I can go a whole week without leaving the house
64. I hate school
65. don’t know how but I would like to finish…
66. I can’t stand to feel like something or someone got the best of me
67. I had to learn to be encouraging
68. I used to be a downer
69. I love Eyeore from Winnie the Pooh
70. Pooh is my favorite though
71. I love gifts but generally don’t accept them
72. I spend a lot of money on others
73. I had a jherri curl many moons ago
74. my mother doesn’t know..that is what earned her a trip to Shady Pines lol
75. I think part of the reason I like clothes so much is because I used to wear a lot of my brother’s hand me downs and only got to go shopping once or twice a year which was for school..i never had the latest sneakers or jeans or jackets.
76. I’m still upset over the Deion Sander’s I never got and the 95 Air Max I didn’t get in 95.
77. parents can really screw a kid up…I have to remember to always do my best with Ahmir and remember I was a kid too.
78. most people are worried they’ll fail as a parent..I’m not.
79. I’m not perfect but I know I’ll do my better than my best for him or die trying.
80. It will break my heart the most if Ahmir grows up to be ungrateful
81. I would like to open up dormitories for inner-city children who want to succeed but may not otherwise have had the chance.
82. I believe it is important to step outside of your element every once in a while.
83. lack of self esteem has really plagued me and I would like to work with children with hopes they never have to feel the same way
84. its important to me to be innovative and an individual
85. I tend to shy away from fads and trends or I like to put my own spin on them
86. I have extremely creative friends who inspire me
87. the best part about it is they think im creative too
88. I love that!
89. I don’t really look up to anyone…
90. I don’t solicit too much advice
91. I am very ticklish
92. I recently discovered I don’t want to get married (I think)
93. I will be 23 on my next birthday
94. I want to buy a house at 27
95. my credit is shot!
96. I’m working on it now
97. I like to take pictures
98. but often hate how I look in them
99. I like to be behind the camera too
100. I liked the idea of the world seeing things the way I do even if only for a brief moment
101. its amazing to me how a camera can capture and immortalize a moment
102. I’ve never had a special Valentine’s Day
103. I want to live in several states/places before I settle down
104. ultimately I’d like to live in a beautiful 2 or 3 story brownstone in harlem
105. I’m not easily impressed
if all the rain drops were lemondrops and gumdrops
oh what a rain it would be
standing outside with our mouths open wide
ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah
ok, on to the show...
warning: there has definitely been no editing of this post.. if it's spelled incorrectly or if ist gramatically incorrect, it's all me, all sass, all the time....like lauryn hill said, if my voice cracks, its just part of the song :end warning
1. I am an emotional eater
2. I am very emotional
3. I am overweight
4. I am MALCOM X!! lmao
4. I am silly
5. I’ve been trying what seems like my whole life to lose weight
6. My grandmother says I’m not fat or chubby, I’m pleasingly plump
7. I’m sassy
8. but I’m also soft
9. I am overwhelmed by my love for my son
10. I’ve always wanted to be a mother
11. a year before my son was born I was walking around saying “I’m gonna have a baby next year.” That was before I even started dealing with his father in that capacity.
12. I got pregnant very early in our relationship.
13. I hate black socks > unless they are hidden under some slacks and slid in some dress shoes. Otherwise they should be banned.
14. I like to be by myself most of the time
15. when at home, I change my underwear everytime I use the bathroom
16. I do not use public restrooms
17. i like sex but have control issues even in the bedroom which keeps me from achieving thee ULTIMATE goal lol
18. I also have a slight fear of the penis..well not the penis itself but touching it..maybe it’s not fear, more like anxiety. I don’t know…
19. I’ve had someone force themselves on me
20. part of me wants to forgive my son’s father, but part of me knows I would be a fool to do so….
21. part of me thinks I have already
22. I guess that makes me partially a fool
23. I’m in love with 4 little girls, and they’re all characters in my children’s book.
24. I don’t trust myself enough..even though I’m usually right and extremely resourceful
25. my Super Man died my 1st night in the dorms my freshman year of college
26. I’m sad my son will never get to know him
27. i like the statement clothes and accessories can make about one’s self
28. I have very few regrets and I’m proud of that. But one main one haunts me
29. I express myself better in a written form than I do verbally..especially when it comes to emotions..
30. I plan on doing all the things that I’ve always wanted to do, even if it means going off the “path” of my ultimate goal
31. I plan on becoming a some sort of teacher at 40 until I retire maybe at 55
32. my mom is the most selfish person I know..it’s ironic because she can also be very generous. She just didn’t give me some of the things I needed
33. I love her dearly though
34. I got laid off twice within a year
35. needless to say I’m not always anxious about going back to work
36. I love to buy underwear and socks
37. my chubby ass wanted to be an underwear model when I was younger…not in Victoria Secret’s or Frederick’s or something..i wanted to be in the K-Mart circular lol talk about high aspirations lol
38. I hide behind my hair
39. I hide behind most things I wear
40. I curse a lot
41. I’m having conflicted thoughts about having my son Christened because my church is acting shady about doing it…. Well not the whole church but the pastor who is my “aunt”
42. Although in marriage, I do not believe I was conceived in love
43. I sometimes think that’s why my life goes the way it goes sometimes..does that sound silly?
44. I also believe that because my name essentially means nothing…is the reason why I have no focus
45. I watch too much Girlfriends lol
46. I hate the fact that a white girl could wear something black girls wear or have been wearing and be en vogue while the black girl is just hood or ghetto or “urban” i.e. name plate chains and earrings
47. I love music…it keeps me sane
48. really wish I could write some
49. maybe one day I will
50. I can sing…well I used to be able to sing
51. If my mother believed in me maybe I could have been Beyonce lol
52. I give of myself too freely
53. teaching myself to say “no”
54. I believe I have a shopping addiction..i’m also an emotional shopper. I combine that with eating.
55. I have very little will power
56. I want to be better
57. I refuse to go on birth control..i’m afraid..especially the patch.
58.
59. wish I could tell a nigga to “kick rocks bitch” lmao
60. I am afraid of guns
61. but when I shoot, I shoot to kill (verbally)
62. I hate to see most people in pain, some, I feel deserve it
63. I can go a whole week without leaving the house
64. I hate school
65. don’t know how but I would like to finish…
66. I can’t stand to feel like something or someone got the best of me
67. I had to learn to be encouraging
68. I used to be a downer
69. I love Eyeore from Winnie the Pooh
70. Pooh is my favorite though
71. I love gifts but generally don’t accept them
72. I spend a lot of money on others
73. I had a jherri curl many moons ago
74. my mother doesn’t know..that is what earned her a trip to Shady Pines lol
75. I think part of the reason I like clothes so much is because I used to wear a lot of my brother’s hand me downs and only got to go shopping once or twice a year which was for school..i never had the latest sneakers or jeans or jackets.
76. I’m still upset over the Deion Sander’s I never got and the 95 Air Max I didn’t get in 95.
77. parents can really screw a kid up…I have to remember to always do my best with Ahmir and remember I was a kid too.
78. most people are worried they’ll fail as a parent..I’m not.
79. I’m not perfect but I know I’ll do my better than my best for him or die trying.
80. It will break my heart the most if Ahmir grows up to be ungrateful
81. I would like to open up dormitories for inner-city children who want to succeed but may not otherwise have had the chance.
82. I believe it is important to step outside of your element every once in a while.
83. lack of self esteem has really plagued me and I would like to work with children with hopes they never have to feel the same way
84. its important to me to be innovative and an individual
85. I tend to shy away from fads and trends or I like to put my own spin on them
86. I have extremely creative friends who inspire me
87. the best part about it is they think im creative too
88. I love that!
89. I don’t really look up to anyone…
90. I don’t solicit too much advice
91. I am very ticklish
92. I recently discovered I don’t want to get married (I think)
93. I will be 23 on my next birthday
94. I want to buy a house at 27
95. my credit is shot!
96. I’m working on it now
97. I like to take pictures
98. but often hate how I look in them
99. I like to be behind the camera too
100. I liked the idea of the world seeing things the way I do even if only for a brief moment
101. its amazing to me how a camera can capture and immortalize a moment
102. I’ve never had a special Valentine’s Day
103. I want to live in several states/places before I settle down
104. ultimately I’d like to live in a beautiful 2 or 3 story brownstone in harlem
105. I’m not easily impressed
tidbits
i was thinking of posting my 100's list today, but i'm not quite ready although i have passed 100 now. i was also going to finish and then post a post about the cotillion i went to and what it meant and the signifigance blah blah blah...not tonight. don't know what i'm gonna post about, but not that, not tonight.
just finished reading all of my entertainment blogs, and i realized for about the 908th time, that i am obsessed with celebrity gossip. OBSESSED. this is kind of crazy. actually, it's not even so much the gossip, but the pictures. and if you have some snazzy commentary to go with it, you've made my day.
i pulled what i thought was steak out of the freezer this morning. it was wrapped in foil and kind of big for a few pieces of steak, but i took it out to thaw anyway. was feeling like steak and potatoes today. so after it's thawed, i open up the foil, and damn it, it's a big ol' hunk of beef. pot roast? wait thats pork isn't it?? i don't know what this shit is called, but it was soaked, rinsed, seasoned and thrown into the oven. it has this whole house smelling like heaven. but it will be done no time soon, so basically its like torture.
i've done what i do best today, sleep, brainstorm, work, write (not at all what i should be writing), read blogs, cook, and some other things...all while tending to the little one of course.
i was hoping my next big purchase would get to be some wonderful bag, but it's looking like it will be an automobile. i'm excited about that. in an effort to stack chips, i decided to work more than one job. i have moves to make, and i would like to move and go back to school. so while i'm working on my and others' personal ventures, i will work a 9-5 or a few 9-5 via temp agencies to get some extra cheese. my baby's 1st Christmas and his 1st birthday is right around the corner. we need a place and space of our own.
so anyway, the car is so i can get the kid back and forth to a lovely daycare that i found not too far from my house that comes highly recommended and she doesn't care for that many children, so i don't have to worry about him not getting enough attention. it most definitely will not be new, but it won't be a complete struggle buggy. we will get where we are going safely.
but, it's all premature, we'll see how ready i am to let him go when the time comes, but i think we'll be fine. like i said they will be temp positions, so i may not even work every day of the week, and if i do, i will make sure they are 9-5's and hours like that, no 10-7's. i won't even work until 6 oclock. anyway, like i said, we'll see. lol can you smell the apprehension?
i am also saddened to find out today that io digital cable is not offered in my area. they have the three package deal, the phone, cable and internet for $29.95 each when you get all 3. well, none for me. so now it's between direct tv (which i have no problem with) and time warner who i find to be expensive. *sigh* so i guess direct tv wins again huh?
but what about my damn high speed internet, do i have to go back to dsl??? oh boy. i think i owe verizon $90..i guess i ought to pay that regardless huh?
in an attempt to minimize and then completely vaporize my debt, i will be paying a visit to BUCCS for some credit counseling. i just need to know where to begin, and to prioritize, and stay organized. my mother told me years ago she went to BUCCS after her and my father split. why she didn't refer me to them sooner i don't know, but i took for me to tell her my debt was really starting to put a damper on my spirit because i felt trapped and i have plans for my life and feel i can't move forward.
the journey of 1,000 miles starts with a single step.
richard frey - i think that's his name. he was on oprah the other day. he has a book called a million little pieces or something like that. i want to read it.
mommy gave tola and me the weight watchers info...why is it that i will have to eat more in order to lose weight? i know the logic behind it, i've even spewed that same info out to others, i just can't eat that much..especially while at home. *sigh*
i've been living off of oodles of noodles and ice cream though, that can't be good!
one morning i'llwake up get up out of bed early enough to get to the gym
i want a pair of new sneakers
there are a few more winter items i need to pick up for myself
ANTM is on - i've got my new mascara, so i'll probably end up getting dolled up and taking some flicks of myself
for a press and slicked into a ponytail, my hair is staying very well...i sweat in my hair and my scarf comes off at niht AND ahmir can't figure out what the donut looking thing on my head is so he keeps pulling it, yet it still looks wonderfully chic..this is great. what's next for this hair of mine?
i'm thinking one monday, i'll let my aunt (she's a hairdresser and off on mondays) keep ahmir and i'll go see rent before the movie comes out. i want to see both, but i want to see it on stage before i see it on screen.
i'm still mad i didn't get to see aida.
i'm beginning to think about Christmas gifts. Tola and Lola are the only people I am squared away on. Ahmir will get everything, it's the people getting 1 gift i am worried about. what doi buy mr. smitten? that fool has everythiing. what will he buy me? hmmmm.....
just finished reading all of my entertainment blogs, and i realized for about the 908th time, that i am obsessed with celebrity gossip. OBSESSED. this is kind of crazy. actually, it's not even so much the gossip, but the pictures. and if you have some snazzy commentary to go with it, you've made my day.
i pulled what i thought was steak out of the freezer this morning. it was wrapped in foil and kind of big for a few pieces of steak, but i took it out to thaw anyway. was feeling like steak and potatoes today. so after it's thawed, i open up the foil, and damn it, it's a big ol' hunk of beef. pot roast? wait thats pork isn't it?? i don't know what this shit is called, but it was soaked, rinsed, seasoned and thrown into the oven. it has this whole house smelling like heaven. but it will be done no time soon, so basically its like torture.
i've done what i do best today, sleep, brainstorm, work, write (not at all what i should be writing), read blogs, cook, and some other things...all while tending to the little one of course.
i was hoping my next big purchase would get to be some wonderful bag, but it's looking like it will be an automobile. i'm excited about that. in an effort to stack chips, i decided to work more than one job. i have moves to make, and i would like to move and go back to school. so while i'm working on my and others' personal ventures, i will work a 9-5 or a few 9-5 via temp agencies to get some extra cheese. my baby's 1st Christmas and his 1st birthday is right around the corner. we need a place and space of our own.
so anyway, the car is so i can get the kid back and forth to a lovely daycare that i found not too far from my house that comes highly recommended and she doesn't care for that many children, so i don't have to worry about him not getting enough attention. it most definitely will not be new, but it won't be a complete struggle buggy. we will get where we are going safely.
but, it's all premature, we'll see how ready i am to let him go when the time comes, but i think we'll be fine. like i said they will be temp positions, so i may not even work every day of the week, and if i do, i will make sure they are 9-5's and hours like that, no 10-7's. i won't even work until 6 oclock. anyway, like i said, we'll see. lol can you smell the apprehension?
i am also saddened to find out today that io digital cable is not offered in my area. they have the three package deal, the phone, cable and internet for $29.95 each when you get all 3. well, none for me. so now it's between direct tv (which i have no problem with) and time warner who i find to be expensive. *sigh* so i guess direct tv wins again huh?
but what about my damn high speed internet, do i have to go back to dsl??? oh boy. i think i owe verizon $90..i guess i ought to pay that regardless huh?
in an attempt to minimize and then completely vaporize my debt, i will be paying a visit to BUCCS for some credit counseling. i just need to know where to begin, and to prioritize, and stay organized. my mother told me years ago she went to BUCCS after her and my father split. why she didn't refer me to them sooner i don't know, but i took for me to tell her my debt was really starting to put a damper on my spirit because i felt trapped and i have plans for my life and feel i can't move forward.
the journey of 1,000 miles starts with a single step.
richard frey - i think that's his name. he was on oprah the other day. he has a book called a million little pieces or something like that. i want to read it.
mommy gave tola and me the weight watchers info...why is it that i will have to eat more in order to lose weight? i know the logic behind it, i've even spewed that same info out to others, i just can't eat that much..especially while at home. *sigh*
i've been living off of oodles of noodles and ice cream though, that can't be good!
one morning i'll
i want a pair of new sneakers
there are a few more winter items i need to pick up for myself
ANTM is on - i've got my new mascara, so i'll probably end up getting dolled up and taking some flicks of myself
for a press and slicked into a ponytail, my hair is staying very well...i sweat in my hair and my scarf comes off at niht AND ahmir can't figure out what the donut looking thing on my head is so he keeps pulling it, yet it still looks wonderfully chic..this is great. what's next for this hair of mine?
i'm thinking one monday, i'll let my aunt (she's a hairdresser and off on mondays) keep ahmir and i'll go see rent before the movie comes out. i want to see both, but i want to see it on stage before i see it on screen.
i'm still mad i didn't get to see aida.
i'm beginning to think about Christmas gifts. Tola and Lola are the only people I am squared away on. Ahmir will get everything, it's the people getting 1 gift i am worried about. what doi buy mr. smitten? that fool has everythiing. what will he buy me? hmmmm.....
